Wednesday, January 10, 2018

I am not McDeaf

In thinking and retrospecting and gaining perspective, I have spent years trying to understand deaf discrimination and why it happens.
First off, in trying to be wise, in using wisdom, a wise person will know that in life, one will always have adversaries, enemies, opponents. One must be shrewd to understand these matters. Being deaf means this can be magnified and can be blown out of proportion. So for one to be shrewd, one must understand that one will have enemies, adversaries, opponents, and therefore one has to formulate a strategy of defense, dodging attacks, avoiding conflict, and winning with success.
So, as I know myself, no one knows myself more than I do. I see myself as beautiful and handsome, and highly intelligent. Girls have walked up to me and told me I am beautiful.
Now, when faced with deaf discrimination/rejection/attacks, it was so hard for me to grasp. It was incomprehensible, when discriminated for being deaf, that I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it was happening, because I was so way into knowing how handsome and intellectual that I am, that even when people judged me for being deaf, I couldn't even believe they were doing it when they were doing it. I was so way out there in my being high on myself for being handsome and intelligent. So high on that . I was so high on being handsome and being intelligent, that I didn't really notice that people were judging me for being deaf for years. Finally when that sinked in, I was like, what the fuck???? Is this for real?
For real? I couldn't believe that they were judging me for being deaf. It took many years for that to sink in. I finally understood that they were judging me for being deaf. It was more than that. Most of the people that were, had such low ego, due to many reasons, mostly low intellect, but also due to not being as good looking as I, as well as just being white trash, or just being an adversary or an opponent as life just brings out enemies.
So, I was like, you really, really, really, really are judging me for being deaf, for real? Me, of all people? Do you not know how good looking and intellectual I am? For real? They deemed themselves superior and that I was inferior on the very simple, superficial premise that they were hearing and I was deaf.
I've read 900 books and have a fine arts degree and have A's in my liberal art classes of philosophy and literature. I considered myself a high-brow intellectual with good looks and talents.

So, as it took a long time for it to sink in that I was discriminated for being deaf, which was so hard for me to believe and comprehend, as I still find it comprehensible, like, How dare they judge me for being deaf! Who do they think who they are? Who are they who think they can judge me for being deaf? As it took me a long time to understand this, to comprehend it, I realize that the people who do that are ignorant, stupid, uneducated, dumb, white trash, redneck, assholes, and most of all, non-intellectual, with low-ego whose low-self esteem is boosted by hating on others. Finally, after being judged for being deaf so many times, it took me a long time to get over the anger and being upset over it, like, how dare they! How dare they! Its an outrage! It took more than a decade to manage my emotions associated with it. I took a great offense to it as unjustifiable it was, I, David Cardamone the Awesome, so Handsome and Intelligent, was judged for being deaf! But I am so coo The shock of deaf discrimination was so incomprehensible, that it wasn't identifiable for me to grasp until years of it, after it finally broke my "high off myself and my intellect".The shock elicited tempter tantrums and emotional distress of bewilderment and disgust. Man, is a raging machine, and it is when he is spiritual/intellectual he diverts from being a mere animal to a being of cognitive conceptualizer and critical thinker. My anger has distorted my reality with it's 'anger distorts' that the same evil energy that creates deaf discrimination, wants to take me where it came from. Its landscape, is like a swamp of quicksand, you have to keep moving or you will sink and not find dry land. Throughout this emotional landscape of cognitive dissonance spewed with intellectual distortion, where paranoias spring to life, paranoias spring to reality. The conspiracy reality of deaf discrimination became too real. I become branded, by a consumerist world, where my brand is McDeaf, and when people see me as McDeaf, they see me with the cliches and misconceptions and misperceptions that the human cattle sees McDeaf as. When a cute blonde girl I met at a party talked to me for a whole hour, and then she saw some deaf people at the party and asked me "Are you Deaf like them". I said "I am deaf" and she walked off. Apparently I was the prince she was looking for until she found out I was deaf a hour later. I was branded "McDeaf" in a consumer society that is brainwashed by television, guided by commercials and false news, entertained by Kim Karadishian and listening to Kayne West. Was there intellectualism in branding me as "McDeaf"? I mean, there are more burger places than McDonalds, and so even though I am deaf, I dont see myself as "McDeaf". Because, I am David Cardamone, as I am clay and God is the potter, I can be molded and shaped by God, and I can also mold and shape myself to who I can be. But to allow the same evil forces from the murky swamp of negativity, the 'deaf discrimination demons' want me to sink in that swamp, in that quicksand. They want to shape and mold my clay, by making me a "Retard McDeaf" instead of what God says I am. Society wants me to be a "Retard McDeaf" Brand and Label, instead of who God says I am. God created me so I belong to God and God is my potter and I am God's clay. Therefore, I do not accept any deaf discrimination as anything logical, acceptable, intelligent, comprehensible, appropriate, and so it is not something for me to allow to control my emotions, to distort my imagination, emotions, feelings, personality, outlook, I cannot allow deaf discrimination to alter my life. I am not "McDeaf". I am David Cardamone. I am not branded by people or swamp monsters. I trudge through that emotional landscape of the deaf discrimination swamp, to come out dry on land to find my own footing, when I interact with human beings, when I have to realize that I am being shaped and molded by God who is love and who is the creator, and not shaped by people's assholism and not shaped by evil. how the way the world works.