Monday, July 20, 2015

more objectivity convo

  • David Alexander Cardamone ok lets end this thread I dont wanna talk about it. Yes deaf discrimination does exist and thats a factor it may be true that I am socially awkward and thats also a factor as well. Thank you lillan for the nice advice I will take that to heart as well. I can see there are good people on this thread. it was not so on other threads where people have said incredibly discriminatory things about my deafness and telling me that no woman will see me as worthy because I am deaf and thats what they told me. Ok End of this thread thank you.
    Like · 1 hr
  • Lilli Fern David: Discrimination exists EVERYWHERE. Literally EVERYONE is discriminated again. Women, men, black people, white people, gay people, trans people, fat people, disabled people. No one is exempt from this. NO ONE. Yet you should ask yourself why the bulk of the world is managing to somehow survive and not have a completely autistic meltdown over the discrimination they experience and why you can't do the same. It doesn't matter if you are deaf or not -- what matters is whether or not you're an asshole and you completely, 100% are an asshole. You need to reevaluate the way you speak to people and interact with them. You need to reevaluate why you are interacting with people in the first place. If it's just to "score" or "date" or stupid bullshit like that it's a waste of time and you need to just stay in your house and not come out. 

    BUT if you're genuinely interested in being a decent human being then I encourage you to do a lot of self reflection, give up the so-called "pickup artist" bullshit, stop objectifying women, and actually work on building human relationships with people around you. I can pretty much guarantee you that when you stop being an asshole the world is going to become a shockingly nicer place for you and you'll find yourself far less alone than you were.
    Like · 1 · 1 hr
  • Brian Coffin Honestly dude, stop using your condition as a crutch. You don't want girls pitying you, you want them to admire you. You want them to see that it doesn't get in your way. Frequent places that has activities and stuff that interests you, and go for people who are doing the same thing. Look for a friend first, because ultimately thats what you want, a friend who you can be in a relationship with. If someone doesn't like you for your disability, fuck'em, you don't need those people in your life anyway. Trust me in my experience women are way more receptive when you aren't just hitting on them. Doing this will net you a friend if all else fails, and thats better then nothing and expands your social network increasing your chances of finding someone else.
    Like · 1 · 1 hr
  • David Alexander Cardamone Ok I might be objectifying women, I know I used some technical terms like 'pretty' and 'pick-up game' and perhaps thinking like that gets in the way, such as thinking, "Oh that girl is hot' gets in the way of actuality. I know that one needs to be careful about what one says as some people tend to take it too literally or misinterpret things as well. I dont know what the non-objectification cult and non-objectification bible is all about but I dont think "Oh, Im gonna objectify this chick". I simply feel that if I am attracted to her, and see if shes my type, and then see if she's an intellectual then I see if it works out. Basically to me what its all about is saying 'blah blah blah' and then the girl says 'blah blah blah' as girls love to talk and its all about social interaction and talking and talking and blah-blahing and then the girl is hooked. All talk. Im a man of action. Yes, Brian, I do not want to use my deafness as a crutch. Thats actully and precisely why I make and produce electronic music as a deaf person. I would rather attract a girl by being an artist, film-maker, and musician rather than wasting my time talking and social interaction and doing all this blah-blah stuff in developing a relationship thats all talk and being a lemon-car salesman thats all talk.
    Like · 1 hr
  • Brian Coffin Wrong dude, you aren't going about it right. You want a girl who like you for YOU. Not what you do for a living, because while that might get you a girl, but you won't keep her that long. You WANT to talk to girls and stuff. Need to figure out who they are and their interests so you can see if you are compatible people. I mean if you just want sex then by all means don't put that kind of effort into it. But if you are really looking for you one you want to possibly have a long term relationship with then you need to put in the effort to friend her first. Because having someone like you for what you do instead of who you are will only get you so far. You really need to ask yourself what you want in a relationship. You seem like an okay guy, but it sounds like your priorities aren't in the right place relationship wise. Don't stress too much there are billions of people on this planet, there is someone for you.
  • David Alexander Cardamone what people do is a part of who they are, their interests, lifestyle, philosophy, the music the listen to, the books they read, the movies and shows they watch is a part of a persons identity, isnt it?
    Like · 32 mins · Edited
  • Jessica Greco Those things are superficial. Who a person IS, their experiences, their history, their personality, their likes and dislikes, these things combine to create a whole person. Simply enjoying the same shows does not make two people compatible. Liking similar music doesn't mean you'll have a successful relationship.

    There's a reason successful relationships tend to start with "we could just spend hours staying up all night talking", etc. Because when you click with someone, when you find them interesting and attractive, you HOPEFULLY respect them and want to know more about them, and more about where they come from, and what experiences made them who they are.
    Like · 2 · 28 mins
  • Jessica Greco You need to really take a seat and think about the way you view women. You seem to think relationships are simply "I'm physically attracted to you, and we like similar things". That's not how it works. Relationships are built on trust, respect, dialogue, kindness, empathy, humor, compassion, love, compromise, compatibility in the WAY you navigate your life together.
    Like · 1 · 26 mins
  • Lilli Fern ^ Ding, ding, ding. Jessica hit the nail on the head.

    You're too focused on the superficial, David. You need to be based in reality and reality dictates that relationships are built upon mutual understanding, character, interest, values, goals, aspira
    tions, morals, and ideals. You need to think about what those are for you and identify them within yourself before you can start looking for someone to spend your life with. A house built upon sand isn't going to be a stable home.
  • Jessica Greco Not to mention that no one, NO ONE, is going to be in a relationship with, or "fall in love with" someone who doesn't value them, respect them, or take interest in them AS AN INDIVIDUAL, UNIQUE person
    Like · 1 · 24 mins
  • Lilli Fern Truth. You can't lump all women together. You can't lump all men together. People are their own, individual, unique beings and they should be treated as such. There is no "one-size-fits-all" person.
  • Brian Coffin Yeah man, thats only one aspect of you. People enjoy wanting to share who they are with people. Yeah you might catch their attention with those things you do, but will it keep them? You aren't going to have everything in common, but you have to learn each other to find out if its even worth it in the first place. Real relationships hardly start out as "you're hot, date me" or "look what I can do, isn't that attractive?". Real relationships take getting to know one another and learning each others likes and dislikes.
  • Jessica Greco Honestly my marriage started out with "Hey, we have mutual friends, let's talk on facebook a bunch' and progressed into "Wow, you've become my best friend and I've fallen in love with you because you're such a warm, kind, caring, gentle, GOOD person."
    Like · 1 · 14 mins
  • Brian Coffin You need to ask yourself, "Would i want to be friends with this girl?" "would she want to be friends with me?". Because honestly if its someone you can't develope a friendship with first that its going to turn into nothing quick. Trust me I have only date women I was friends with first and thats how I have had 2 relationships that laster longer then 4 years, and a handful of other decently long term ones as well. Why waste time with someone you wouldn't want to hang with?
  • David Alexander Cardamone I can see how I objectified women due to my experiencing deaf discrimination, that it was hard to see them as individual persons instead of labled as chick this or chick that.
    Like · 2 mins · Edited
  • David Alexander Cardamone when one isnt respected as an individual person one couldn't learn how to do that outwardly as well.
    Like · 1 min

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